BuBBa & Wannita's

Worldly

ADvice

Disklamer

Wez r knot health kare Proffeshinals soz ours ADvice shuld be taken with a few grains of salt ands a shot of takillya! As a matter of fact the more takillya ya drink the better our ADvice sounds. Buy know meens r wez kualified 2 give mental health care halp! Hell, wez cant' fine halp 4 ourselvs. Itz ups 2 u now, u send it in's, an wez will Re-ply. Just use da e-mail below, an youll's be herein from us soon!

July 20, 1998

Dear BuBBa & Wannita,

I got this problem : Evertime i turn on my 'puter'n i start listin' to that music on yore hompage ( i turn it up loud ,cause,i like to!) there's this "xotic" dancer llivin' nex door that comes bustin in 'yellin "im BuBBas' cousin ! i'm gonna dance to that music!" 'n she grabs my houndog 'n starts dancin' ... th; dawg is gettin' plum wore out ..has BuBBa got a cousin in Ocala, FL.??? Jif so I wish he'd tell her to quit wearing out my dawg. GAWD Bless Y'all luv ya...

Swampwoman

Dear Swampwoman,

Wez' fraid dat wuld be Emma. Neither one of us claims her, but ifn' da truth be known shes' a cuzin on Wannitas' side. No body related ta BuBBa kan dance! Shed' done went an tole da family shed' gave up xotic dancin. Said she wuz gonna git inta sumthin new, called "beastality". She said she wuz gonna be takin in stray horses an dogs. Wez' aint' rite shore what dat is however. We does however no of a dancin chiken up in New York dat wez' dont' think she kan wear out. His name be Joe Schmoe, Da dancin chiken. Now hez' a site ta see. But be kareful, thars a bounty on him here in Kansus! An Ifn' ya dont' like dat AD-vice, da best thing wez' kan tell ya ta do is ta knot play yer music near as loud, or git mor houndogs, or even better yet, Move!

BuBBa & Wannita

July 8, 1998

Dear BuBBa & Wannita,

My marriage is in great trouble. In these "winter" years of my life, I find it necessary to sleep with a fan blowing on me. My husband is getting rather adamant that I should turn it off, because he says he is freezing, what with the air-conditioning and all. He says if I don't turn it off, he's going to leave me. My question is...after he moves out, can I insist that he still pays the electric bill? After all he did pay for the fan. Shouldn't that still be his responsibility. I should be entitled to electrical alimony after so many lonnnngg years of marriage shouldn't I? Please advise, the lawyer I will have to hire, doesn't know much about law.

signed "hot wife in the city"

Dear hot wife in the city,

Hav no fear, BuBBa & Wannita are here ta help ya wit yer problem. Jus from reedin yer letter, we can tell yer a down-home girl. Ifn's theres one thing wez knows bout, its da law. Why heck ole BuBBa gits arested jus bout on a weekly basis. An wez cant' afferd no lawyer so wez had ta learn bout da law ourselfs. Its' obvius ta us dat dis city-sliker husbend of yers haz nabbed ya up from da country side of life an spoilt ya wit da fine luxurys of da city. (Referrin ta A.C.) Shorly he knew dat ya culdnt' sleep wit out da sounds of dogs barkin, frogs croakin, an da whipporwill a singin its song. Da fan takes da place of'n all those noises an helped ya sleep better. He may knot hav ta pay ya electric alimony, but if he chooses knot too, da law states dat he has ta build ya a fancy hous in da country where ya can hear da frogs an da whipporwills agin. Dat culd come down ta like are mareage, where its just plain cheeper ta keep her. As fer da part bout him freezin, its' his own fault, cuz he got ya used ta dat aire-conditionin. Ya mite relay sum ad-vice ta him, dat if'ns hes cold, ta put honey round his socks! Dat will shorly keep da ants off his candy butt. Let us know how things work out.

BuBBa & Wannita

P.S. Sorry ta here yer husbend thinks hes' Adam Ant!! Maybe ya shuld git him sum reel halp.

Mar. 29, 1998

Dear BuBBa & Wannita,

We are thinking about starting a comedy section and adding it to our website. Where do you two come up with all the original material and stories on your website? Do you sit around for days thinking up material or does it come natural?

Sincerely, The Cajun Surfer

Dear Cajun Surfer,

Are ya realst sure ya wants ta run a comedy section? That'll keeps ya mighty busy! Ya'll have people gittin mad at ya if they don't think yer pages are funny enuf. Da innernet already has 5 or 6 funny sites. Ya think ya can stand da competishun? Jus jump on in there. We dont' mind a little competishun, least we think our sites funny. As fer where does we git our original material, we writes it. Thats where da word "original" comes from. Look in da dictionary ta finds out da real meanin. Most of our stories are true-life stories with da names changed to protect da guilty. Maybe wit a twist of da truth here an there. Okay, a lot of twistin. But we take it as an honor, when people tells us we's sick an twisted people. As fer sittin round all day thinkin them up, NOPE, thats where da adventshures come in. Bein from down south, ya oughta have all sorts of people ya can write about. Ya don't gots ta write bout yerself ta have funny stories. Why Wannita writes bout BuBBa all da time. Even though he means well, things don't always turn out in his favor. Matter fact, almost never. All ya haz ta do, is be observent. If'n ya jus sit back an watch, an ya haz a sense of humor, it'll all come together.

BuBBa & Wannita

Feb. 17, 1998

Dear Bubba & Wannita,

I have a terrible problem and I don't know who to turn to. I'm withering away in sorrow... you're my last hope.

You see, I'm the Webmaster for a semi-popular site. My site get lots and lots of hits daily, I'm a good person, I have a good heart, I have a sense of humour, I'm very sociable, I shower every day (sometimes twice), I wear nice smelling cologne, I don't have bad breath, I have a full set of teeth, I have a nose proportional to the size of my face, I still have hair, but..., no matter how hard I try..., and I've tried and tried..., I can't get anyone to sign my Guestbook! What's up with that? (no pun intented).

I've spent many nights crying myself to sleep with a 40oz bottle of Tequila in my arms. I've tried to console myself by saying "Guestworld is down... Guestworld is down... That's why I didn't get any entries... Yes, that's why I didn't get any entries..." but who am I kidding?

Sure, someone throws me a bone once in a while, but I fear it's out of pitty... They say things like "Great Site" or "Good Job", but they don't mean it. They're really saying "Hi Loser... we feel sorry for you so fetch boy!"

Please help Bubba...

Sincerely, Weeping Webmaster

Dear Weeping Webmaster,

An we knows who ya are!! Theres' a cuple major key problems here. Firs of all ya gots ta have a funny site! Jus kidin there ole buddy! Even yer site clasifys as a good one. Sounds like ta me, ya got a bad case of a "guestbook envy". But have no fear, ole BuBBa & Wannita here can shorly put our brains together(now dat mite not be much), an figger out sumthin ta git ya sum guestbook entrys. One of our mos favrite things ta do is ta surf other peoples sites(dats kinda what da net is fer) an signs there guestbook with feelins. We dont' reely like it, when sumbody jus comes on in an says "hey nice site" an leaves. If'n ya looks at our guestbook,(an we'z know ya haz been, referrin ta guestbook envy), you see where all dem nice people say good things bout are site,(Dats cuz its funny). Ya gots ta have a gimmick. Fer xample, we use BuBBa's unnerwear fer our bacgrounds. But, ifn' ya dont' wear any, ya mites not want ta do that. Ya mites also offers ta share dat bottle of Tekillya with anyone dat signs yer book. Jus dont' tell Wannita bout dat or she'll be back in yer book agin. (All da time). An jus ta show ya how nice a peoples we reely are, we'll send ya naked picshures of us an ya can promise them ta anyone dat signs yer guestbook. NOW, dat oughts ta git ya a bunch of signins! Now, hope this helped ya out.(Picshures are in da mail)

BuBBa & Wannita

Feb. 8, 1998

Dear Bubba and Wannita,

I know your not healthcare professionals, but I need some advice. You see, I live with this dancing chicken. He never stops dancing. At first I thought it was cute. Now it's getting on my nerves. And he only dances to that one song, New York New York. I cant stand it anymore. I'm about ready for a trip to the looney bin! What should I do?

Dancing my way to the Looney Bin

Dear Dancin Loony Bin

I think we know the chikin yus' talkin a-bout!! Is it that skranny no-brained Joe Schmoe? Ifn it is, then we compltly unnerstand the problem you are a havin. Why just a coupl a months bak he came through Kansus an caused an all out uproar! I think ther is a "Bounty" on him here. Hes' been accused of a raidin the hen house on a bunch of farms. Why even we got a bunch a little chikens doing that funky dance. What wez had to do was start feedin the poor little things moonshine!! It sure slowed down ther dancin. As fer the song, we think ifn you try the moonshine an put "Dixie Chiken" on yer rekord player, that ought to give ya some type of relief. Ifns' that dont' work we suggest you drink the moonshine and send him back here to us. Let us know and we will get the coals fired up.

BuBBa & Wannita

Jan. 19, 1998

Dear Bubba & Wannita,

I really enjoyed your web-site and think you have really nice backgrounds and animated gifs. Where did you get your collection at and how do I make me some?

Sherry W.-Raleigh, N.C.

Dear Sherry W.,

Most of our backgrownds have ben made up from sum of BuBBa's under ware. What ya has ta do is git sum of yer husbends under ware an cut out all da brown an yeller spots an git a piece ya can take a pickture of. As you see BuBBa wares sum pretty wild under wares. Most of da time, there is too many wholes in them ta git a piece big enuf. As fer da gifs, BuBBa hasnt given me any lately, an hopefuly fer ours annversary I'll git sum. BuBBa just said you was a talkin bout our picktures on our pages. Now dats diffrent. We gits them da same way BuBBa gits gas fer his truk, goes out an gits it from other people. Just make shore nobodys a usin it when ya gits it. Hope dat helps ya out. BuBBA & Wannita

Sandy's Space Terry's World

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