Wannita's Version

of

"A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY"

AMNESIA: kondition dat enables a woman who has gon through labor to hav sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for BuBBa ta get up at 2am, too.

DEFENSE: what youd' bettr have around da yard if you're going to let da kids play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies warsh ther chins.

DUMBWAITER: one who asks ifn' the kids would care to order sum dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacin yer kids the proper distance apart to keep ya on the edge of financial dis~aster

FEEDBACK: whats' gonna happn when the baby dont' appreciate da strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what ya call yer kid when yer mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think yer kids are wonnerful even though theyz sur ya's not raisin dem right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when sumone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman who still remembrs da labor pains.

INDEPENDENT: how wez want our kids ta be as long as they do what we sez.

LOOK OUT!: what its' too late fer yer kid to do by da time you scream it

PRENATAL: when ya still hads a life.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contra~diction in terms

PUDDLE: a small body of water dat draws utter small bodies wearinst dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a kid whos' more talented than yers.

STERILIZE: what ya do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it

and to yer last baby's pacifier by blowin on it

STOREROOM: the distance required betweenst da supermarket aisles so dat kids in shoppin karts cant' quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what ya should keep to a minimum so as ta not upset the kids.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance ta see just how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where ya should never put a kid wearin Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when da babys' face turns red and she begins ta make those familiar gruntin noises.

VERBAL: able ta whine in words

WEAKER SEX: the kind ya have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: none of da kids dat live in yer house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation dat translates roughly inta "get a sponge."

Terry's World Sandy's Space