Spring Fever

Hello there all, Wannita here. Yep, I know, its ben a whilest'. Jus ben hunkerin down inside da house tryins ta stay warm, inside a pare of BuBBa's ole Long Johns of course. An yes, I gots myself a bad case of Spring Fever. My Favrite time of year, spring an summer. Dat's when me an BuBBa goes campin an fishin wit da yungins. This story is bout BuBBa an me's first campin trip. An of course, its told by me, so BuBBa cant' noways lies ta ya an tell his side of da story. Sit back, relax, an be ready ta laff yerself outta yer chair.

It all starts one day when Jim-Bob an my BuBBa gits da crazy notion we gots ta go to dis fancy campground an go campin an fishin. Now, heck, I figgered we lived in da country an had a pond rite near us, so what da heck did we need ta go ta sum lake fer? An BuBBa had jus agreed ta go ta town an buy dat new plastic plumbin an fix me an inside toilet. An where wuz we gonna git sum tents at. Well of course, they'd done been ta town fer my plumbin supplies an had also stopped by da Co-op an talked Ben outta his tents. But me an Billie Lou, Jim-Bob's wife, we goes along wit em anyway. So we'z packs up everythings we girls can think of an off we goes to da lake. We pitched our tents right down da way from sum perty fancy motor homes. Looked like trailer houses on wheels. Course, BuBBa & Jim-Bob weren't no help. They's already found da beer an commensed ta wanderin da campground to see who wuz there. An Jim-Bob had brought his little scamper boat so they culd git down da channel fer da bigger fish. So wit da tents up an da kids off fishin by da dock, me an Billie Lou starts ta BBQin', dis big ole scrawny New York Chicken, ovr a big ole campfire. Just bout dark, we heards a heck of a commotion, yellin, screechin, cussin, yelpin, an out from da trees comes BuBBa an Jim-Bob, just a scamperin along, an ole Jim-Bob just a laffin so hard he culdn't hardly stan up, an BuBBa wrapped in what looked like twine. Accordin ta Jim-Bob, they'd ben walkin along visitin wit people wen BuBBa stumbled ovr sum poor man's poodle, an fell rights into da man's clothes line an knocks his clothes off in da dirt. An beins he wuz all tangled up an da puppy wuz a yelpin, da man comes outta dat fancy motor house wit a gun screamin an a yellin an my BuBBa wuz a hot footin it home, line an all. "Think I got away from him" BuBBa said as Jim-Bob unwraps da line off him. "What in tarnation are you twos up to" Billie Lou asked. They both started laffin loud then an we knew they'd had way too much ta drink. So we'z busy ourselfs ta gitting da food on da table. It wuz quite a nice meal fer beins so far from home. So we got the younguns off ta bed then, an Billie Lou noticed dat BuBBa an Jim-Bob wuz hidin round da side of da truck. So we'z snuck up on em ta have a look-see at what theira doin. I'll be danged if BuBBa hadn't brought my plastic plumbin an wuz a gluin it all together. I asked em, What da heck wuz he a doin to my plumbin, he couldnt's build it out here at da lake. He told me Ben had told him bout usin plumbin fer makin a gun. A gun that could shoot taters. I never laffed so hard in my life. A gun that shot taters. Yep. Crazy, just knew he'd done had too much ta drink. Asked me ta bring him a tater. He shoves it way down my plumbin pipe wit a stick an when he wuz done he asked fer my hair spray. I laffed sum more. What'd he want wit my hairspray? So Jim-Bob goes an gits it outta da tent an BuBBa commenses to sprayin it inside of dat plumbin pipe. I asked him how he expected it ta work when it wuz already a plugged up. He never answered me just turnt towards da lake an clicked on my plumbin pipe an suddenly a WHOOMPH came outta it an I didn't see where dat tater went, but it sounded like a gun alright. Loudest noise I ever did hear. Convinced it worked, BuBBa an Jim-Bob headed fer bed, talkin the while bout what it culd do to a turkey at close range. I just knew it wuz gonna be a long weekend. Next morning early, Jim-Bob an BuBBa got da boat out an headed out fer sum fishin. Now, I mightst be a woman, but there wuz sumthin bout that plastic plumbin gun that got my curiosity up. I jus culdn't see how my plumbin an hairspray culd make a sound like that. An Billie Lou wuz jus a intrested. Well, we didn't git far when a man wearins a uniform comes up ta us, askin if we'd seen or heard anything da night before. Seems sum ole lunatics were on da loose in da campground an had tried ta steal his clothes from his clothesline an tried ta hurts da man's poodle. I didn't have da nerve ta tell him dat would be my BuBBa an his friend Jim-Bob. Turns out dis man wuz also da park ranger. Ranger-Dan. Lordy, how much more truble culd BuBBa gits himself in! I guess more than I bargained fer cuz da man asked me what I had in my hands. Said it looked like one of them tater guns an if it wuz, there wuz laws against em. So he took it from my hands an me an Billie Lou jus stood there quiet as mice, not knowin whats ta say. Guess he figgered since we had da gun an hairspray an taters in hand dat we wuza fixin ta use it, an he started givin us all kinds of lectures, bout da dangers of guns in public areas an dis bein a private park. Well, fortunatly fer us,(maybe not so for BuBBa an Jim-Bob), here they comes in da boat scootin cross da water. It wuz then that da park ranger looked up an seen em an musta recognized em from da night before, cuz his face started gittin a mighty shade of red, an his lip curled up an ya won't believe what he done next. He took da taters from Billie Lou an starts ta stuff one down dat plumbin gun an grabs my hairspray an starts runnin fer da dock, towards my BuBBa an Jim-Bob. He sprays dat pipe an clicks the red knob so hard an WHOOMPH! Billie Lou an I jus stoods there an watched in awe as dat tater drops jus a few feet in front of Jim-Bob's boat. The look on dem boys faces wuz worth a million I tell ya. Bein shot at wit thier own tater gun! An before ya can say "Skat", WHOOMPH! it went off agin. Landed right by da trollin motor. An BuBBa's screamin ta Jim-Bob, "Turn round, Turn round!! Lets git da hell outta here!" Oh Lordy, dat wuz da scardist I'd seen those boys in a while. An again, WHOOMPH! Rite in front of BuBBa's belly it landed. By dis time, quite a crowd had gathered. Billie Lou, scared fer Jim-Bob's life, finally talks dat ole park ranger, Ranger Dan inta stoppin his shootin, so da boys culd come on in to da dock. An da Ranger Dan wuz on em like stink on a polecat. They no more than docked an he wuz in their faces, pointin da plumbin gun at em, callin em everything but intellgent. An them boys wuza eatin crow an a crawfishin, (an thats backin up fast fer you city folks.) Finelly did convince him they weren't out ta steal his clothes an dog. An since there wuz so many witnesses, the park ranger culdn't give us a fine fer a havin an illegal gun an firin it off, since he done most of da firin, but did take da gun, my plumbin, wit him. Culdn't reely be mad at BuBBa an Jim-Bob cuz we'd reely gotten such a good laff off at em. I swears Jim-Bob peed his pants, but he said it wuz just where he'd spilled his beer when da first tater went flyin by em. Guess they never thought it'd be used aginst em! Well, as you can imagine, it didn't take us long ta gather our stuff an heads fer home. Ben many more hilarious moments since then, but I'll save em fer another story. Remembr, da next time yer a sittin on da toilet, contemplatin firin sum off, even yer plumbin can fire back, an it jus might. Til next time...... Wannita

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