SEX

This is a storie bout our dog called SEX. Now wez' nos dats a funny name fer a dog, but when he wuz a puppie, he wuz shore lots of fun. I rmembr my Ma said dat he wuz more fun than Sex. At da time, I reely didnt' knows what she wuz talkin bout. Me an Wannitas' ben mare-eed 22 years now, but SEX died knot long after wez' got mare-eed. Ifn' I rmembr right, bout 3 or 4 years. Now, havin a dog named SEX kan shore gits ya in lots of truble. I rmembr da time when we wents to da company picnic an he took off a runnin. I started yellin "SEX, SEX" an people wuza lookin at me mitey strange. Dats where I first met Wannita. Why she come a runnin up wit a big ole grin on her face, an says ta me, "I thinks I kan help ya wit yer problem". I tole her "I've had SEX since I wuz eleven years old". An she looks an me an said, "Youz' musta ben an onery kid". Well, me an Wannita hit it off perty good, an after wez' got mare-eed an went on our honeymoon an took my dog wit us of course. I tole da motel clerk dat nite, dat I needed a room fer me an my Wannita, an a special room fer SEX. He tole me I didn't need a special room, long as I paid my bill in advance, he didn't kare what we did. I tole him, "Look, ya jus dont' unnerstand SEX keeps me awake at nite". Dat clerk jus looked at me an said "Dats funny, I have da same problem". I even rmember da time I wents ta city hall ta renew his dog lisense. I tole da clerk I wuld like ta have a lisense fer SEX an he said, "Hell, I'd like ta have one too". I tole him it wuz fer a dog an its' had all its' shots,an he said he didnt' kare what she looked like, as long as penicillin culd cure it. One day I decided ta enters SEX in a big contest, but rite befor it started, he rans away from me. Anothr one of dem contestants ask me why I wuz jus a standin there. I tole him I had planned ta have SEX in da contest, an he said I shuld hav sold my own tikets. But I said "Ya dont' unnerstand, I planned on havin SEX on T.V." An he replies ta me "Wit Cable an Satelite, dat wuz knot an uncommon thing." Once, when me an Wannita started havin sum problems, she filed fer a D-vorce. When it got ta court, we wuz gonna hav a fight fer custody of SEX. I tole da judge, "Yer honor, I had SEX long before I wuz mare-eed." He jus looked at me an said "BuBBa, if ya wants ta confess, then goes ta church, but dont' do it in my courtroom." I tole him dat after wez' wuz mare-eed, SEX had left me. He jus said "Yeah, me too". I remembr da nite SEX ran off. I spent hours lookin fer him. I went up town, yellin, "SEX, SEX, SEX" an dats when da po-lice drove up an said "BuBBa, whats yaall doin out at 3:00 in da mornin?" I said I wuz jus lookin fer SEX. Dats when they hauled me in. Well, SEX haz ben outta my life fer bout 18 years now. Me an Wannita is still tagether, but nothin she does, replaces SEX. I sure do miss SEX.

BuBBa