Our Cousin Emma

Well, folks, Wannita here agin. Hopes yer hollidays is ben good to youins, an dat yer turkey got stuffed, as well as yer inlaws an outlaws! Now, I know yer all sayin to yerselfs who's dat beeutiful woman, must be Wannita, but folks, dats knot a picshure of me up above, thats my second cusin on my fathers side, Emma. Dats what this here stories all bout today, My dear ole cousin Emma. I've perty much all my life ben envious of ole Emma. Heck, growin up she was always quite da looker an had da boys jus croonin over her. Why jus look at her picshure, she hasn't changed much at all since school! I can remember da boys in school sayin somethin bout dat if they took anyone ta a dog fight wit em it'd be Emma, or sumthin long them lines. Of course, my Ma an Pa tried ta keep me away from her, said she'd never amount ta much wit her life. She wuz quite da floozy!!! Well, we all knew dat when Emma grew up she'd move on outta our litle country town to da city an make it big sumday. An wez' wuz write too. She moved on ta New Orleans an become an exotic dancer down on Burbon street makin da big time. Seemed like a fittin place fer Emma ta be since we knew she loved hangin round her pas' still. When ole Emma wuld come back fer a visit, da whole family wuld gather out by da still ta listen to Emma tell her stories of bein up on stage entertainin da boys visitin what she calls Mardi Grass. An of course, da whole time, my Ma an Pa wuld be a shakin thar heads, callin her a floozy, but eatin up da juicy details jus da same. I guess she finelly lost her knack fer wooin da boys, cuz one day she showed back up home cryin on her pa's shoulder bout bein fired cuz her boss had found out she wasn't reely cross dressin after all. She wasn't shore what dat wuz, an of course, none of us ever havin ben to a big city an all, culdn't reely help her out. Since I'd had da mos schoolin round here, I tried hard ta explain ta her, they was probably referrin ta her bra, an dat she's ought ta try wearin one of em once in a while. Why I know good an well Sears sells dem cross over yer heart bras, an wuz shore they'd have em, even in her small size. Well, needless ta say, that got Emma fired up, stompin an a carryin on, dat it didn't matter who ya wuz, ya weren't gonna force her ta wear no bras. An so wit dat, off she went agin, lookin fer fame an fortune. Sum time went by beforest me an BuBBa got a letter from a nice woman down in Ocala, Fla. Seems ole Emma had moved in next door, an still bein partial ta her exotic dancin, had taken up wit dis nice ladies houn dogs an wuz a wearin em out dancin wit em. We'd tried our best ta help da poor woman, givin her da best advice we culd ta git rid of ole Emma. Heck, wez' even tried ta set her up wit a chiken up in New York state dat we knew luved dancin. Guess it worked cuz later we heard whar they crossed da country tryin ta join in wit a dance group called CATS. We wasn't quite shore how a washed up ole exotic dancer an a yeller dancin chiken fit in to a group called CATS, but we figgered in dis day an age, anythings possible. So, anyway, as you can see, it wuz a surprize ta us, when over Thanksgiving, ole Emma showed up outta da blue, waltzin her way to da still early Thanksgiving morning. Seems ole Emma has landed up North. Livin sumwhere called Walla Walla Washington. Word round da still wuz she's pretendin ta be a preschool teacher. An knowin Emma da way I do, probably teachin dancin to da poor litle things. Lordy, whats dis world comin to! I've heard dem folks up North wuz a litle strange, an bakwoods, an dis only goes ta prove it. How anyone culd hire Emma ta teach is beyond me. Heck even I made better grades in English than she did. An of course, she had ta tell us all bout da new fad she'd started. Seems she decided ta git lit one nite an got her ears pierced, an a tatoo on her tail end. But after soberin up, Emma found out it wuznt' her ears she'd had pierced, it wuz her nose, an embarassed as she wuz by it, she wuz amazed ta find out people liked it an started copyin her. She'd become poplar agin overnight. Only thing wuz she'd had a picshure of a yeller chiken tatooed on her hiney. Poor chiken, hate ta think what she mite of done to him! An who knows what those kids shes' suposed ta be teachin will turn out like, wit Emma round. So I guess, what dis stories reely bout friends, is dat if yer livin in Walla Walla, beware!! Remeber, Emma's ben all over dis big ole country, so shes' learned a trick or two bout dressin, even if she's ain't learnt ta do dat cross dressin yet wit a bra. Keep yer eyes open fer Emma. Ifn' ya even thinks yer kids teacher mite be Emma, one way to check fer shore, is ta take her down an see ifn' she has a yeller chiken tatooed on her hiney. One things fer shore though, I finally got over my envy of ole Emma. She mite be a teacher an had a fameus career as an exotic dancer, but well, me, I got ole BuBBa an thar aint' words ta describe dat. Til Next Time Friends, Wannita

For all yous' people dat dont' think my Cousin Emma is real, just feel free ta drop her a line. Jus tell her BuBBa & Wannita sent ya!!